Goobers and Grovers and Sundance Getting Fisher Price Injections
Flashpoint. Patterson. Goober.
I starting watching the show Flashpoint the other day, and I’ve been really enjoying it. It stars Hugh Dillon who, in case you don’t recall, I’ve mentioned before as being one bad ass dude. When he got bored rockin’ your face off he joined a Canadian SWAT team. He went and shaved his head so he’s pulling this kind of thinner Bruce Willis look. Anyway, its a solid show, but that’s where the flashpoint came from.
Patterson is on a cardboard sign above my TV. It comes from a cardboard display for one of the bajillion books James Patterson released this month. I don’t know which one is was for, but all it says is “James Patterson, Unputdownable.” The word unputdownable is a running joke with my friends and I, as is James’ Patterson’s literary integrity.
Of course, he used to be in advertising, so the fact that he’s been marketed into probably one of the most recognized names and bestselling authors in the universe shouldn’t surprise anyone. And just for the record unputdownable comes up as a typo here.
I also can’t decide if I think he’s a dick or a really cool guy. I think I’d like to fight him, and then maybe have a drink with him. I probably have a better chance of winning a fight against him then Gene Kelly, who’s at the top of the list of people I want to fight. Seriously, I know he’s a dancer, but Gene Kelly in his prime was probably solid muscle, those dancers don’t fuck around. He was like a not-Asian dancing Bruce Lee. So I want to fight Gene Kelly in his prime and James Patterson now—I have no problem hitting an old man.
But I’m getting off topic.
Goober I just tossed in there because I wanted another word and that was the first one that came to mind.
I’ve never seen this picture of Bob Dylan with the ‘I can’t sing’ sign, and I was staring at it for a while before I notice Grover popping out of a phone booth in the background. At least I think its Grover, I guess it could be Larry David… but is he dressed as a detective? Oh, that must be his Grover Kent disguise for the whole Super Grover thing.
I think the goober tag is why I found a lot of shit with Grover in it—I tried a search without it and didn’t get any Grover stuff.
I’m not sure if Grover is technically being a cockblock right now since that’s really Sundance’s girl. He’s kind of more…Chaperone Grover, no disguise needed.
I’ve always hated that part in Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid, the whole bike thing, and the “Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head.” I never felt it fit. And I’ve tried to appreciate it on repeated viewings, but it always leaves me feeling uncomfortable.
The one I really like though is this Evangometer. Its nice, its subtle—just a little Jesus fish on the bottom. Apparently whoever is taking the picture was very evangelical. Or its set like those old Fisher Price Doctor Kit syringes and thermometers, where they’re painted to always look full or painted with a little swirly thing so as you turn it the temperature “changes.”
Whoever was setting this thing off though is pretty hardcore evangelical, but what may be more disturbing is that it goes up to 110. I mean, only 110? What kind of super-Christians are these evangelicals? You’re only planning to go up to 110% for Jesus? And it says right on there ‘Actual Full Scale’ so isn’t like a tachometer where its really thousands. You get points for making the thing but you’re losing some on your lackluster performance as missionaries.
Now how does one wear this? Is this like those bad ass cops that have their badges swinging from their little metal ball chains? Or is it clipped onto your belt right next to your cell phone, because you’re the kind of douche who wears their cell phone on their belt. Its OK, I’m not judging, I understand completely, that Tracfone you picked up from the Family Dollar is really heavy—you can’t have that weighing your pockets down, its a serious piece of hardware.
I like to think though, that its really a belt buckle, Power Ranger-style. They could be the Mighty Jesus God Rangers, but instead of Rita Repulsa their main bad guy could be Enola Evolusa, intent on spreading the evils of evolutionary thought. Lord Zedd can stay, he looks pretty Satan-ish already, even in his chrome g-string—
You know what, fuck you, yeah I watched the Power Rangers, who didn’t?
I may also have had a morpher that I got out of my Happy Meal when the movie came out, but its not like I know exactly what box in the attic its in or anything…
Posted on July 9, 2011, in Toaster Fart and tagged belt buckle, Bob Dylan, Bruce Lee, Bruce Willis, Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid, cell phone holster, dancer, detective, disguise, Doctor Kit, evangelical, evangometer, Family Dollar, fight, Fisher Price, Flashpoint TV show, Gene Kelly, goober, Grover, Grover Kent, Happy Meal, Hugh Dillon, I Can't Sing, James Patterson, Jesus, Jesus fish, Larry David, Lord Zedd, missionary, morpher, phone booth, Power Ranger, Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head, Rita Repulsa, satan, Super Grover, tachometer, third wheel, Tracfone, unputdownable. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.