Netflix, Why Have You Forsaken Me
I canceled my cable a while back. When I was sharing the apartment with two and at one point three other people, that would have been out of the question. We couldn’t live without it.
Cartoons reigned supreme in our house with Family Guy up at the top. There was also a Seinfeld addict (or aficionado as he may prefer to be called) so the handful of hours a day that was on was necessary to keep him calm.
I could give a shit about sports but the guys I lived with were heavy into baseball, one a diehard Yanks fan while the other inexplicably bet his life on the Tigers year after year. But these were sports dudes, they didn’t give a shit if it was baseball, football, hockey or jai alai. That meant hours a day were devoted to Sports Center.
Cable was a big deal back then. We needed it. Then those d-bags moved out, one with his girlfriend and the other to get a girlfriend—which story for another time, but I’ll probably never tell it, because it’s really none of your damn business.
Point is—they moved out and now I had to pay this cable bill myself. It probably wouldn’t have been that bad but I never returned the second hi-def cable box, so that was an extra whatever a month to deal with.
I just finished watching Surface, which was a good show but only lasted one season. A lot of shows now almost expect to be canceled, so the days of cliffhanger season finales seem to be all but over. They wrap things up enough to give some measure of closure to the show at the end of the season, but leave just the tip when it comes to room for continuing the story. They build and build and ask a hundred questions that need to be answered, and by the end of season one, yeah, they may answer a few of those.
That’s enough to satisfy the first season, to give a solid finale, but they also leave enough to expand upon if they get renewed. They don’t, and you’re left with Edwin Drood syndrome.
Breaks your goddamn heart.
Back on the ranch though, I finished watching Surface, rated it like a good little Netflix bitch and waited for my top ten recommended results.
The problem now is that of the top ten recommended based on that rating and the rest of what I’ve been watching, I’ve seen nine of them. I’ve watched and rated nine of the top ten shows or movies that Netflix wants me to watch now. How is that helpful for me?
Really? You recommend Lost? Based on my having just watched Lost. Thanks.
There’s a whole category of named ‘Watch It Again’, why is everything else basically a watch again menu? I rated this show, I’ve seen it, I don’t need you to recommend it to me. I have that covered. The only time you should be recommending me a show that I’ve already watched and rated is when new episodes or seasons are added.
And clicking ‘Not Interested’? Does that do anything? I can’t tell, because Netflix, you’re still recommending that shit to me. How many times do I have to tell you that I am not interested in VeggiTales? And what in my taste preferences made you think I was to begin with?
The only VeggieTales I want to see are when they were massacred by Drawn Together along with Captain Hero’s lame friend Steve from Long Island.
Netflix, I think you need to define your animation categories a little better, because my liking Drawn Together and Family Guy does not warrant VeggiTales and My Little Pony getting added to my top ten.
My friend sent me a clip of My Little Pony the other day, some pony singing this song that apparently causes wars. Maybe that show is darker than I imagined it, but after 5.3 seconds of listening to that song I spent the night hiding behind my couch rocking back and forth.
That show is creepy. Tattooed freakishly colored ponies, singing songs—I don’t get it, and I don’t want to. And I don’t want them recommended to me because I happened to rate another animated show where the fact that both are animated are the only commonality between them.
And just because I rated a show staring whoever, does not mean I now want to be recommended every single thing that actor has been in.
Remember when I used to search for a movie, but it wasn’t available on streaming and came up with a little ‘add DVDs to your package for whatever’, but I could still rate that movie? Why can’t I do that anymore?
Why, if I only have streaming do movies not exist if they’re available only as DVDs? Before you’d try to sell me on getting DVDs, now you’re messing with my head and saying the movie doesn’t exist at all.
I feel like I’m a five year old and Netflix is my mom yelling at me that I watch too much TV and need to go play outside.
“Nope, sorry, you’re out of things to watch, see—everything you could want to watch you’ve already seen. You have watched all of Netflix, maybe it’s time to do something else.”
Maybe they’re right, maybe I should do something else. I could go outside, it’s a little sunny out but maybe I’d get used to it. There’s always that puzzle I started, or I could get to work on that novel, finally finish that up—
—oh, cool! New episodes of Doctor Who!
Posted on June 8, 2012, in Rant, Things I Come Up With When I'm Drunk, TV & Movies and tagged cable, Doctor Who, Drawn Together, Edwin Drood, Family Guy, jai alai, My Little Pony, Netflix, Powder, Seinfeld, Sports Center, Surface, Veggie Tales. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.