Remaking the Reboot of the Sequel of a Flop

the Second of Four Gibberings on Originality

And what’s really wrong with selling out?  With proclaiming “Unputdownable” Patterson as your god and mapping out your own beach read mystery series with a spunky female lead and loveable animal sidekick?

Sell out—everybody’s doing it.  Go for the quick buck, the easy money.  Artistic integrity?  I don’t think my creative writing classes ever covered that. 

Good literature doesn’t sell.  Most of it will sit on the shelf until maybe the spine catches someone’s eye.  Unless you’re on a talk show or a big name already, you’re probably not going to get noticed.  Then you’ll get returned and recycled into the next Alex Cross Christmas giveaway novella.

On the other hand, if you write some bondage filled Twilight fan fiction you’re set for life.

People seem to have learned their lesson somewhat between Twilight and 50 Shades of Grey.  With Twilight all you heard was women and teenaged girls squealing about how it was the greatest book every written, oh my god! the story is so good, and it’s so well written—you have to read it!  By the time 50 Shades of Grey those squealing voices proclaiming the next Nobel Prize for Fiction have quieted a bit.  Everyone admits the writing is shit, but there’s sex in it and a rich guy telling you what to do.  Might as well win a Pulitzer.

Name one of the finalists for the Pulitzer Prize in Fiction.

Name Bella Swan’s hometown.

Now go fuck yourself.

Clearly originality is overrated.  Can you still be creative working with someone else’s idea, taking their work and using it as a foundation for your own?  Inspiration from the already inspired.  New writers are brought in on TV shows and movies, and no one cries foul on their reworking of someone else’s idea.

There are anthologies out there of short stories inspired by songs and whatever else.  Why is that acceptable?  Stories inspired by works of art are fine, but not stories inspired by other stories.  Movies inspired by other movies.  Why not borrow from them, they’ve already borrowed from somewhere else.

Copies of copies of copies of copies.  Merging,copying, adapting, constantly rewriting what we don’t like.

Isn’t that what the human race is anyway?  If art imitates life then it makes sense that we should constantly be borrowing and adapting, remaking, rebooting.

Covers of songs are acceptable.  Remixes two weeks after the original is released is completely run of the mill now.  Completely normal there, but announce the Amazing Spiderman, and suddenly everyone’s saying, “Whoa whoa whoa, too soon!”

Two homes can have the same foundation, the same exterior walls, the same shape.  But the interiors can be completely different, with different rooms of different sizes, individual layouts and distinctive decors.

From the outside they may appear to be the same house, but take the time to walk through them and each will show you another world.

Or maybe the only difference is where they put the shitter.

Neil Gaiman’s Neverwhere centers around an ordinary guy in London getting drawn into this mysterious world below the city.  He has to travel into this London Below to save a woman.  Grand fantastical adventures and such ensue.  Heard that before.  Not very original.  Sounds like a hero’s quest into Hades.  How many myths reused that idea, the quest into the underworld?

Anyone ever see the first Troll movie?  Probably not.  The sequel to it is considered one of the worst movies of all time, but the first one, staring that kid from the Neverending Story, centers around the Potter family moving to a new apartment in San Francisco.  The original ADA from Law & Order is in it too, he plays the senior to Noah Hathaway’s Junior Potter—and their first name?  Harry.

Yeah, one of the worst film series of all time has ties to one of the most successful film series of all time, the main characters’ names are Harry Potter.

Way to go J.K. Rowling.  Real original.

It will follow the plot of the original, just a lonely laundry room troll looking for a friend to play ball with.

And while we’re on the subject of Troll, there’s a remake planned for a 2012 release with the same director as the original and a budget of $65 million.

So while roughly 12 million people are unemployed in this country, the worst film series of all time gets to give it another shot with a budget over sixty-five times the original.  The best of the series, the first one, which a handful of people have actually reported sitting through in its entirety, only made $5 million.

$65 million.

That seems about right.

The director and producer of that original 9th place opening weekend box office juggernaut try to stir some shit every once in a while by claiming Rowling ripped their film off, not only with the name of her character but several other details or scenes. 

What other elements did she steal from you?  Magic?  I don’t think that one’s yours.

Of course she denies that their piece of crap in any influenced her, and how would it?  When would she have time to watch some shit American movie that barely ranks above Manos: the Hands of Fate?  Plotting one’s conquest of the entire planet can be time consuming.

If anything, they should both be thanking her, because without the near god-like status Harry Potter has achieved, they wouldn’t be remaking anything.

Have I mentioned Sonny Bono is in Troll?  He gets turned into a tree penis.  Or something.  It’s been a while since I tried to watch it.

About mattS

Couch potato, burrito aficionado, whiskey sour drinker, handyman, writer of interesting things.

Posted on June 15, 2012, in Books, Rant, TV & Movies and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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